Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Manhattan anymore

We all have them. Those people in our lives whom we love madly, but whom we sometimes want to kick in the shins because they know us better than we know ourselves, and it drives us cuckoo for cocoa puffs that they are always right.

My person is my lovely, hilarious, brilliant and gorgeous girlfriend, S. S and I met about six years ago through a mutual friend, and instantly bonded over our shared love of the movie Victor Victoria and the fact that we had both, many years before we had even met, briefly dated the same not so nice guy who happened to have the world’s smallest…um, how shall I put this…ummm….okay, I got it, the world’s smallest nose. Yeah, that’s it, we both briefly dated the same not so nice guy who happened to have the world’s smallest “nose”. And I don’t say this to be mean. I’m simply reporting a fact. It was freakishly small. Like a bunny’s. Or a tube of lipstick. Ask S, she’ll totally back me up on this one.


When I fist announced that I had quit my job and was going to take a year off, S told me that she was really happy for me but that I was full of crap because she knows me and knows that I will either be a) looking for work; or b) working within the month. And I was all like, “Yeah, whatever. You don’t know me. You. Don’t. Know. Me. You don’t know my address.” And then, to prove just how wrong she was, I went out and got a consulting gig that I started the week after I got back from my European tour of freedom.  ARGGGGH, WHY IS SHE ALWAYS FREAKING RIGHT??????

So yup, I’m working again. But it’s part time and I get to work with someone that I admire and respect more than anybody I have ever worked with or for. So it’s actually kind of awesome.

The company is located in the Midwest, and traveling to the Midwest (particularly for this non-driving, city-loving, wildlife-fearing New Yorker) is often a confusing mix of wonder and terror.

Terror because upon arriving at the airport you are greeted by one of these:

Wait? What the….

Terror because at the entrance to the office building you will find this:

But what about my right to protect myself from middle management?

Wonder because the cab ride from the airport doesn’t make you want to hose yourself down with Lysol the minute you get to your destination. Wonder because you can actually take the stairs from the lobby to your floor, instead of having to smoosh into a high-speed elevator. And wonder because when you look out of the office window you can see things like this:


(By the way, I realize that I could never work in an environment like this full-time. Suburban office parks and I don’t mix. I tried it once. It ended badly for everyone involved.)

One of the best parts of traveling to this location is that my boss and I sometimes take our meetings outside. There is a mile-long circular walking path right outside of the office, and we’ll sometimes walk the loop while strategizing on ways to solve the world’s problems, or you know…on how to sell more stuff.

On these walks we often encounter all sorts of wildlife. Most of which I find charming. I like to pretend that I’m on a Midwestern Office Park safari, where instead of lions and giraffes we get to see frogs and turtles. Totally same thing.

About mid-way on the right you can just spot a sweet little turtle. The fact that it was dead and covered in flies did not detract from its sweetness. Nope, not even a little bit.

Ooooooooooo, snakey!

Looks fun, right? And it was. Until we came upon a small patch of pavement that was swarming with red killer ants. At which point I bolted. But not before shoving my boss directly into the swarm in the hopes that it would distract the ants long enough for me to get away. The fact that the swarm may have actually been a small group of ladybugs enjoying afternoon tea is completely irrelevant.

So yes indeedy, S was right, as usual. I’m back in the game. But in a way that works for me. I learned a really important life lesson over the past few months that I want to share with you, but I will save that for a later post.

Til’ then, enjoy the crap out of your day dear readers.

Categories: Rants and Raves

Tags: , , ,

7 replies

  1. All true – she chucked me and bolted…if she loves you she will take a bullet for you, but will still sacrifice you to wildlife. You take the good, you take the bad…

  2. By the way, I’m from the Midwest (tho’ I live in the city) and even I get weirded out by the suburbs.

  3. I believe I compared it to an ALBINO bunny. But bunny none-the-less. And speaking of turtles…
    I’m so glad you are woman enough to admit how right I was.
    Love you!

  4. I was unemployed for a good 6 months when I first got back from Brussels. Not really by choice, it’s just that no one wanted to hire me – or rather give me an opportunity to do design work for them. Anyhow, it wasn’t fun. I didn’t like not working because aside from the fact that being home all the time wasn’t the best thing to do post break-up, but because I felt like a worthless slug because, well, I wasn’t working. Or maybe I felt like a worthless slug because I had just been dumped? I don’t know anymore. My point is that I am now employed, for a short while anyway, so I’m not feeling so much like a slug (though I still feel other things) and I’m hoping they keep me for longer than the 2 months they originally asked for. I’d rather not go back to not working. Being slightly distracted for 8-9 hours a day is better than sitting at home and contemplating my self-worth.

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